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Losing a child is like hell on earth.
Many are caught up in the confusion of what (not) to say or do when meeting someone who is going or has been through the loss of a child.
Show you CARE. Please do not cross the road to avoid meeting us.
It is ok if you have no idea what to say. “I’m so sorry (I don’t know what to say)” is more than good enough.
Stop talking and just LISTEN. It can be the same story for the hundredths time. Or crazy rationalisation. Or buckets of tears interrupted by crazy laughs.
It is a journey. Personal and unique for each one of us.
“There’ll be another one” is ok if WE say it. We try to cope.
YOU please DON’T. “Another” is not “the one”.
It is a seemingly endless 3D roller-coaster ride on the snakes and ladders board when it feels like we would never ever reach the end: to learn to live with it.
It doesn’t matter when, how, and what happened, it is like our heart has been ripped out of our body.
Coming with the loss of future.
Their future. Their what-ifs. Their hugs, smiles, love of life.
Sometimes the death comes as a relief after suffering.
It still hurts!
And there is not even a word for a parent who lost their child.
So just please BE THERE for us.
A loving hug can mean the whole world to us.
Here is my hand.
There is a lovely, heart-warming short animation I would like to share. Short but powerful.
There was a time, about 10 years ago, when I first saw it. I must admit I saw it as anything but lovely.
I thought the lady’s last actions were unnecessary, I couldn’t understand why on Earth she was doing what she’s doing.
Years passed by and I couldn’t get it out of my mind. Something was bothering me about it. I should have seen an uplifting action but I couldn’t.
Then, one time when I remembered it again, I suddenly recognised the beauty in it. The care, the love. And it made me think:
Why hadn’t I seen this before?
How I had perceived the story was filtered through my inner being. And that time I was hurt, dragging along with a lot of pain in my heart.
I found it difficult to cope with that level of kindness, the outpouring unconditional love, because I had never experienced it myself.
The uncertainty in who I was, the lack of experiencing and knowing that I am worthy of love simply because I am, severely impacted my views.
It was a long journey, painful but fruitful, to come to the place that I understand the value of meeting people where they are at.
Making them feel worthy. Accepted. Loved.
The power of being present.
The worth of presence in someone’s life.
Do you have anyone to walk beside you on your journey?
Here is my hand.