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respectfully responding
Are you a respectful person? ❤️
💙Always?
💙At all times?
💙With everyone?
💜I am not. 💜
Yes, I do sometimes cross that line.
Raise my voice a little bit. Or change my tone.
💛Sometimes I find it hard to respectfully say no. Especially when the other person doesn’t take no for an answer.
💓I have found that it is much harder to stay respectful when I’m frustrated. Why?
Because respect requires emotional regulation. 💞
A good one. A very good one.
⁉️Just think of treating a person with respect who has just put a knife in our back or called us names.
💘We need to keep our composure to give a respectful response.
💙Otherwise, we can quickly find ourselves down on their level of conduct.
💖Furthermore, respect is handy when it is about clearing up disagreements or misunderstandings.
💞Because if we lash out at the first instance, there will be little room for clarification and reconciliation.
💛How is it going for you?
remorse has incredible power
💜Let’s talk about remorse. 💜
👀Funny word, isn’t it? 👀
❗️But an important one. ❗️
💞It goes – or I should rather say it should go – hand in hand with an apology. 💞
❤️Remorse means I am sorry for what I have done or what I should have done but failed to do. 💔It requires us to put ourselves into the other person’s perspective. 💗See things from their point of view. 💙To do our best to understand how they feel – how we made them feel. 💘
💕Empathize with them. Acknowledge that we – hopefully unwantedly – hurt them. 💔
☑️No, I did not forget that I also talked a lot about everyone’s being responsible for their own feelings.
💛Still, we can – we should – apologize when we accidentally hurt someone. 💛
🎶I have long wondered about how to reconcile these two seemingly contradictory approaches. 🎶
⁉️I believe the key is humility. Another painful word, I know. ❕
🔎Because when we apologize and show genuine remorse, we humbly acknowledge we did something hurtful. 👑We are lowering ourselves from a pedestal of “I am right” to see and value the differences and incompleteness of others – and of ourselves. 🔍
♥️Remorse means that even if we cannot understand why our actions were hurtful, we take responsibility for them and seek reconciliation. ♥️And it is for the other party to accept it or not. We did our part – if it was genuine. ✔️
❔And why is that important? ❔
⛔️Because a mere “I’m sorry” without remorse is just a string of shallow words. ⛔️
🌒”I’m sorry” without changed behaviour is just a superficial coating on the picture we wish to paint about ourselves to the world. 🌑
💜A true “I’m sorry” carries the power to bring us closer. 💜
being brave can be frightening
💜 The idea of being brave and courageous can be frightening. 💙 Why?
💛 Not only because we have to deal with the other person’s response, especially when we are about to say no to someone for the first time. We also need to face and conquer our inner uncertainty. 😱 Because we might feel we do not have the right to say no. 😱
🌜 It might seem like a war on two fronts. 🌛
💥 We not only don’t know how they will react, but we also don’t know how we will respond to their reactions. 🔥
⛄️ Although we can replay the situation a hundred times in our head – which, if we do it right, can eventually help a little – we don’t know how it will turn out until we do it. 💦
✔️ The first time may not be perfect. It probably won’t be. But we dared! 👍
we were brave
While next time, it will be a little easier – at least it won’t be the first time – so we can focus more on the how. What we say, how we say it, what emotions struck us inside and how we can manage those. 🌗
🌝 And over time, with practice, it gets easier. We will get used to different reactions and build up our own toolbox of responses. ☔️
❄️ We will also learn to manage our inner fear of standing up for ourselves. 🌞
💜Believe me or not, it’s scary to stand up for ourselves. Especially when we were taught never to complain, just accept what is and move on. 💛
❤️You know what?
❤️It’s worth it being brave. Because in the end, you learn how to find the ground to ensure that you have a truly free choice. ⁉️
🤗Are you keen to get there?
self-care is not egoism
Self-care is not egoism, even if it seems to be. ⁉️
Self-care is a balance between egoism and altruism. 🌞
From an altruist’s point of view, however, both fall into the same category.
❓Why?
Because for an altruist, self-care means not always caring for others. And this is true. What altruists probably do not realize is that not looking after themselves means trading long-term services to others for short-term ones.
‼️We cannot give from what we do not have. Therefore, caring for ourselves – while looking after others, perhaps a little less – is not egoism. It is the way that allows us to serve others for longer, in better physical, emotional, and mental health.
So, focusing on others a little less enables us to focus on them for longer. Therefore,
our self-care means short-term pain and long-term gain for those we serve. 🌞
😥Painful thought? I think it is. It was painful for me too.
I fought it for a long time. But eventually, I had to give in to the logic of self-care.
😱 Does self-care sound scary? Selfish? Disgusting? Does it feel like you’re going against your value of “serving only others until your last breath”?
I have a question for you.
❓Can you serve more if that last breath comes later in life?
Would you consider that thought?
🤗Let’s discuss it and find your way to your own personalized self-care plan!